In an emotional video shared on TikTok, which can be seen at the top of this article, the labor and delivery nurse demonstrates the steps taken following the death of an infant.
The nurse has only been identified by her first name, Sarah, and the location of her hospital has not been disclosed for privacy reasons. She told Newsweek: “When I’m in my nurse role, I make sure the parents know it matters to me, that I care and am heartbroken along with them.”
In the video, which does not involve a patient and is simply a demonstration, Sarah explains that the hospital provides a special bassinet with a mattress and baby blanket—the same kind of blanket that every baby born at the hospital receives.
The bassinet is taken into the parents’ room and the mattress self-cools “so the parents have unlimited time with their child.”
The parents are also given a box for keepsakes and a carefully chosen hand-sewn gown is put on the baby. A screen is then put across the room so the parents can have a photo with their baby if they wish.
The minute-long clip has been watched more than 42 million times since it was posted on November 21.
Sarah told Newsweek that she believes people follow her TikTok account @labor_junkie_rn because they “connect” with her videos in some way, although she advised social media users to “exercise great discretion when following educational accounts.”
She added: “I know my audience has placed trust in me, which is why I present the most evidence-based information and data I can find and encourage my followers to fact-check everything. I do think TikTok is an amazing tool for education, provided you find these credible accounts.”
The nurse said she had set up her account in July with the aim of educating as many people as possible.
“I see an extremely broad spectrum of pregnancy and birth as a high-risk labor and delivery nurse. A beautiful, empowering experience for one person may be a dark, traumatic experience for another, even if they had the same outcome.
“Giving the patient as much information as possible, involving them in decisions, asking permission at all times. These are small things that foster informed consent, can minimize trauma and improve outcomes.”
She added: “Unfortunately, maternal and perinatal health often falls flat. Some people are ‘fortunate’ enough to be thoroughly educated throughout the course of their care while others get the bare minimum, if anything.
“Oftentimes these disparities are a result of systemic racism or just ’the luck of the draw’ … I wanted everyone to receive the same evidence-based information, in a judgment-free, compassionate way so they could make informed decisions and improve their odds of an overall positive experience.”
In 2020, almost 20,000 babies died before their first birthday in the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The CDC listed the five leading causes as:
Birth defectsPreterm birth and low birth weightSudden infant death syndromeInjuriesMaternal pregnancy complications
Sarah said her job could take its toll, but she loved it. “In all honesty, it can be extremely challenging. But I am intentional to maintain a level of professionalism and avoid falling into shambles—I never want them to feel the need to comfort me. But the moment I get home, it all comes off and I cry every time. It’s just heartbreaking.
“It feels so trivial, even insulting, to simply carry on with your life as normal, watch Netflix, etc. when they are grieving their child. For whatever reason, crying does help. It forces me to pause, honor and process. I also share these experiences with co-workers when appropriate, pray and see a therapist to strategize coping mechanisms when needed.”
While Sarah has never personally experienced stillbirth or infant loss, she told Newsweek that she had “felt the pain of recurrent pregnancy loss” and shared what had helped her and what she had observed in her professional life.
She said: “My best suggestion is seeing a great counselor or therapist…even when life is ’easy,’ it’s great to talk to somebody. Support groups are also a wonderful tool to tap into.
“Connecting with others who have gone through that same experience is a great way to process the experience, feel seen and heard. It also normalizes talking about the loss. You don’t have to worry about making somebody feel uncomfortable with your tragedy. You can speak openly and freely.”
She added: “Regarding any family that had a box prepared for them, if you don’t initially want the memory box, I would suggest having a trusted family member or friend keep it for you just in case you change your mind one day.
“Also, the hospital may place a bunch of leaflets/support group cards in your discharge folder. You may not want to read it at first, which is totally understandable. But oftentimes those leaflets have some great resources and connections buried in them, so perhaps consider taking a peak when you have the bandwidth.
“I also observe on my account how helpful it can be to connect with other bereaved parents via social media, but this certainly is a personal preference. Lastly, commemorating your baby in some way can be helpful, whether that’s a service, memorial, writing a letter, or planting a tree or flower in honor.”
