Not that it’s all practical stuff, mind you. Most speeches tend to be filled with platitudes about compassion, public service, following your dreams, measuring success on your own terms, taking risks and seizing the day–while never forgetting that nothing matters more than family and friends (let’s say it all together now: on his deathbed, nobody wishes he had spent more time at the office).
But the point of this college guide is to give you advice you can use right now. So, armed with a triple espresso, we’ve plowed through countless speeches, looking for the few nuggets that might be relevant to your university years and worthy of sticking on that little fridge in the corner of your dorm room. Here they are, organized by category, with the exact words and where they were spoken:
*Don’t worry if you’re unsure about what you want to study or pursue as a career.
“Whatever future you’re building, don’t try to program everything. Five Year Plans never worked for the Soviet Union–in fact, if anything, central planning contributed to its fall.” (Pierre Omidyar, founder of eBay, Tufts University, 2002)
“How useful some of you may be in a particular line of work depends on whether you keep your ideas wider than your specialty.” (Cleo Craig, AT&T president, University of Missouri, 1952)
“There might be false starts and do-overs. You are entitled to experiment before you find your calling. Look at Sonny Bono.” (Jane Pauley, Providence College, 1995)
“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.” (From the widely cited “Wear Sunscreen’’ speech that Kurt Vonnegut allegedly gave to MIT grads. It was originally a column in the Chicago Tribune, but morphed into a speech attributed to Vonnegut as it made its way through cyberspace.)
*Don’t just do what’s asked, or expected.
“The difference between average people and great people can be explained in three words. The three words are: ‘And then some.’ The top people did what was expected, and then some.” (Bob Dole, quoting former secretary of State James Byrnes, Gallaudet University, 1996)
“Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. Knock down your walls and get out of your own way.” (Cathy Guisewite, creator of the comic strip “Cathy,” University of Michigan, 1994)
*Question what you’re told.
“The impertinent question is the glory and engine of human inquiry ?K Whether reviled or revered in their lifetimes, history’s movers framed their questions in ways that were entirely disrespectful of conventional wisdom. Civilization has always advanced in the shimmering wake of its discontents.” (Garry Trudeau, cartoonist and creator of “Doonesbury,’’ Trinity College, 2003)
“Equip yourself with a baloney-detection kit. Because there is an enormous amount of baloney that has to be winnowed out before the few shining gems of truth and reality can be glimpsed.” (Carl Sagan, Wheaton College, 1993)
That baloney-detection kit can come in handy with commencement speeches themselves. One book’s compilation of addresses includes a speech given by Larry Ellison, the CEO of Oracle, to Yale graduates in 2000. In it, he tells the class they’re all losers–“loser cum laude’’–because they made it all the way through college. His point: many of the richest men in the world–himself, Bill Gates, Paul Allen, Michael Dell–are college dropouts.
Fact is, he never said it. Just like the Vonnegut speech, it’s a spoof that got picked up as the real thing. But even if this strikes somebody as good advice, wouldn’t it be a lot more useful to hear it before college starts, rather than at graduation?
